A Checklist for Parents That are Wondering "Why is My Child Behaving This Way?"

Children of a certain age can act and behave in the most perplexing or frustrating manner. A parent-response checklist may be useful in determining why children behave the way they do and how to manage the expectation.

1. Prevention

Keep in mind that children learn by exploring and testing their surroundings. They also use limit-pushing behavior to express uncomfortable feelings. So, if we don't want kids jumping on the couch or roughhousing the baby — and we don't want to sound like a broken record constantly saying "No" and becoming increasingly irritated — we'll have to limit or eliminate certain options (the ones that are going to put us on edge).

Does my child have a completely safe, “Yes” place to spend the majority of his or her day? This not only limits opportunities for testing, it also provides kids with the abundance of freedom they need to be able to accept the boundaries we do create.

Does the new baby have a protected, age-appropriate place in which to “play” freely and safely? (A playpen or crib is enough for the first 4-5 months.)

Is your home life relatively peaceful, our daily routine somewhat predictable? Routines that are predictable provide comfort and security. Routines also help children accept our boundaries and directions because they learn to expect certain things, such as tooth brushing after dinner. Young children value the ability to predict what will happen.

Do I spend time observing and understanding my child, give positive attention?

Do we allow, even encourage our child to express uncomfortable feelings?

2. Confidence

Confidence is essential, and it is frequently lacking when our responses and directions fail. Confidence is decisive and often cheerful, rather than angry or stern. Children can easily detect whether we believe in our decisions, directions, and limits because they can sense our emotions. And if we don't, there's no way our kids will be comfortable, which means they'll cry, whine, protest, object, or keep pushing the boundaries.

This is a universal law of parenting: Children can’t approach situations with confidence unless we do first. So, what does confidence look and feel like? Here are some questions to ask ourselves:

Am I being direct, clear, simple, decisive, firm, upbeat, matter-of-fact, even somewhat bored (rather than tentative, ambivalent, wavering, uncertain, or anxious)?

Am I feeling calm, capable, unruffled, and on top of this (rather than urgent or emotional)? Remember, toddlers are tiny, impulsive, but non-threatening people.

Am I refraining from running when I could stride, shouting when I could be matter-of-fact?

Am I being brief and nonchalant rather than pointed? Am I coaching and reminding rather than lecturing?

Do I believe in my decision or direction? There’s no reason not to, because if we’ve been too rash, we can change our minds (confidently) later, and that’s great modeling.

Also Read: Helping Kids Be More Responsible for Their Actions

3. Early Action

Children understand our words, but they require more from us when their impulsive, emotionally charged behavior takes over. This could include calmly shadowing a child who is hitting, taking a child aside for a "time out" when her behavior is out of control, or being completely fine with assisting a preschooler in getting dressed in the morning (even though he is fully capable of doing this on his own).

Am I ready and willing to take the actions necessary to help long before I even dream of becoming irritated or annoyed by my child’s behavior?

4. Acceptance

Accept and acknowledge: both of these actions are important, but accept is the one to focus on. Accept is not an active, urgent verb. It's a soothing one. Acceptance means letting go and allowing feelings to be, rather than struggling to say or do the "right" thing to soothe or calm our child.

We accept disagreements with the understanding that disagreement is a healthy, developmentally appropriate occasion with toddlers and teens, a way of being to allow, acknowledge, and even embrace. But not literally, because in our haste to embrace children in order to make everything better, we unintentionally send an invalidating, squelching message.

Am I fully accepting my child’s feelings and perspective? Just letting them be?

Am I letting my child know I hear the power of her message? Acknowledging is one of the best ways we can do that, but the acknowledgment must be real, not a tactic we impatiently use to try to soothe children’s feelings.

Am I emotionally available, not distant or cut off? It can be tempting to distance ourselves — close off from our child’s emotional outbursts — for the sake of self- preservation, but the problem with this response is that it can make children feel like they’re opening their souls to a brick wall.

When children consistently learn through our words, tone, and actions that we hear them, are unfazed, ready to help, and understand, or are at least willing to try, they are relieved of the need for limit-pushing behavior.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Do we have to "walk on eggshell" every time our children is "misbehaving"?

No, we do not have to worry about hurting our children's feelings. While we, under no circumstances, purposely hurting their feelings, our children would not grow any resilience if we don't enforce healthy and strong boundaries.

Do Amanda Daycare's nannies are familiar with children's "misbehavior"?

Yes, our nannies have extensive knowledge about childcare, children's development, and early childhood education. Rest assured that we are going to take care of your children according to their developemental stage.